a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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