theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
