Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
farters have to be the big spoon...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
