u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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