I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
