My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
