why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
