i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
