When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
