OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
