he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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