i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
