nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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