Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
