When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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