4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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