May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
