thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
