hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
