How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
