I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
