# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
