Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
