The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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