A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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