You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
