She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
