there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
