When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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