WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
