Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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