I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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