Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
