And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
