New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
