i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
