does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
