dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
