my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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