she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
