Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
