Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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