Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
