Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
