his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
where are my eyebrows?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
