Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
