How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
