I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
