So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
