you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
